Insomnia
by bakaxusagi
Summary: Lavi hated not being able to fall asleep. It was always at night when he lay in bed that his mind chose to wander in a direction he didn't like. Laven / LavixAllen


_**A/N:** Woah, It's been years since I uploaded something.. Oh well... It's all your fault for not providing me with enough Laven Q^Q now you will have to live with this crappy fic, muahahahaha!  
No, seriously, this pairing doesn't get enough love. And I totally **adore **Laven! But sadly I'm having a hard time finding good Laven fanfiction (although that may be because I already read all the good ones *cough*), so I had to write something myself. I know it's bad, so don't burn me, okay? :o Let me know what you think about it though.  
**Warning:** LavixAllen - boyxboy. Don't like, don't read. Also: not beta-ed & English isn't my native language.  
**Disclaimer:** I, sadly, do not own D. Gray-Man. _

_Enjoy! (And review please? *_*)_

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**_Insomnia._**

Lavi couldn't sleep.

'_This seems to happen quite often these days_', Lavi thought.

He sighed, rolling over to face the only other bed in the room, in which Allen was currently sleeping.

They were in an inn near a small town in Germany, where he and Allen had just finished a mission a few hours prior. Exhausted, they had decided to stay a little while longer to get a good nights sleep after the battle.  
Lavi himself felt worn out, but this obviously didn't affect his insomnia.

The darkness of the room was only interrupted with the moonlight shining through the small gap between the curtains. Although it was still quite dark, shapes and silhouettes could be seen against the light. A closet, a nightstand, a bed, a certain sleeping white-haired exorcist...  
_'Why does Allen get to sleep and I don't?_', Lavi pouted. He hated not being able to fall asleep. It was always at night when he lay awake in bed that his mind chose to wander in a direction Lavi didn't like.

Lavi sighed again, trying to concentrate on falling asleep.

_'Not working_,' he thought, '_Not working at all~_' He was tempted to hit himself on the head when he noticed that he was staring at Allen, who was still sleeping peacefully. His white hair glowed in the pale moonlight and his skin looked as if it was made of porcellain. It almost made Lavi worry that the boy would break at mere contact. When Allen slept, he didn't look on guard or worried, but relaxed even. It was a nice change to witness.  
'He sure looks cute when he's sleeping... aw, damn it! Lavi, stop thinking about Allen and sleep!' Lavi groaned.

When he first met Allen, despite him being all bruised and wrapped up in bandages, the boy still looked so innocent, kind and pure that Lavi couldn't help but be curious. He had been surprised to see the boy smile so brightly after everything he must have been through at his age, judging by the strangely-shaped scar that was caused by a curse and the white hair that made people think he was an old geezer at first glance. He had guessed that Allen must often have been the victim of bullying. The fact that the small boy was still able to smile as if his past didn't affect him at all had intrigued the redhead.

He had envied the boy for that. He had even envied the boy for having an eye that could tell humans and akuma apart.

That had stopped immediately after their visit to Crowley's castle, where he had experienced the feeling of seeing the soul that was used to create the akuma, that shadow of a once surely beautiful creature that was chained to the weapon and obviously suffering from great pain, crying, praying to be released, to finally leave this world. After that, Lavi was unable to eat anything for a while. Before, he had envied the white haired exorcist for his ability, but after that incident he only felt the need to protect the boy. He couldn't believe that such a kind person had to live through this hell day after day. From that time on, Lavi began to notice the sadness in said boy's eyes, even when he seemed to laugh and smile with him and the others. And he was determined to see a real smile for once.

Somewhere along the lines the redhead had noticed that he was growing far too attached to the so-called "destroyer of time" that he was supposed to be watching while being distanced from him. He began to see him the others as his comrades, as his friends even, without noticing at first. Or maybe he did notice, but he tried not to.

He began to _BE_ Lavi. Lavi, who should only be his 49th alias. Who should only be a name, a disguise, a mere empty shell.

He dared to call himself Allen's best friend. He even dared to secretly wish for their relationship to exceed friendship.

Lavi had enjoyed to have friends, to stay close to them, especially to Allen. For once in his life, he had actually been happy. He had been able to forget the bitterness of being a bookman, of seeing war after war after war and never getting attached to anyone, for a short time when he was with them.

And then, he had found the card.

He had found the poker card in a clearing, together with a ridiculously huge amount of blood that was sure to be Allen's. He had thought that Allen had died. He had almost cried that time. And as he had noticed tears swelling up, realization hit him. He had gotten _FAR_ too attached to Allen. To all of them, even.

He was supposed to be a bookman. Bookmen had no need for a heart. Bookmen weren't supposed to love. They had to be objective, had to watch and record history. All of the people he called friends were going to be mere ink on paper. No feelings involved. That was what it meant to be a bookman.  
Despite knowing that he shouldn't, Lavi had put the card in his pocket, staring at it whenever he believed himself alone, grieving in his own way.

He had decided not to get attached to everyone anymore, but he soon had to see his plan fail.  
When Allen reappeared, Lavi could've danced a happy dance. In fact, he did, but nobody saw him doing that except Kanda, who just shrugged it off with a trademark "Che!" because he thought that the baka usagi was a crazy moron, anyway.

And now here he was, lying awake in this bed next to Allen's, thinking about how he was obviously gay and in love with the white-haired moyashi and about how he wasn't supposed to feel love because he was the heir to the bookman legacy.

'_Great, just great. Way to go to avoid thinking about all this._', Lavi groaned again, this time in frustration, and pulled the bed sheets over his head.

* * *

Lavi awoke to a sound that didn't belong here. He frowned, breathing as quietly as possible while grabbing his hammer to make sure to be prepared if there was an attack. At first, it was quiet, but then he heard it again. Lavi slowly pulled the sheets away from his head and looked in the direction the sound was coming from.

And he was right, the sound was coming from the bed next to him. Or rather, from the person sleeping in said bed.  
Allen was tossing and turning in his bed, all tangled up in the sheets, and in Lavi's opinion would've looked rather sexy if not for the fact that he was crying in his sleep. Lavi froze in shock.

Then he heard Allen whisper something incoherent. He stood up and walked over to Allen's bed, listening closely.  
"Mana...", Lavi heard Allen's fearful whisper.  
_'Oh no, better wake him up.._', Lavi thought, shaking the boy gently.  
"Allen... Allen, wake up... c'mon buddy, you're having a nightmare... wake up already..!" No response.  
"Oi, moyashi!"  
"The name's Allen, baka usagi!", Allen muttered, not quite awake yet.

Lavi sat down next to Allen.  
"What...?", Allen asked.  
"You were having a nightmare", Lavi explained.  
"Oh..", Allen said, touching his face and then rubbing it dry with his sleeve hurriedly. "I'm sorry if I woke you."  
"Don't worry about it, I couldn't sleep anyway. Do you want to talk about it? I heard it can be helpful."  
"It was about.. M-Mana... the day he.. died..", Allen forced out. Then he smiled as if to show Lavi that he was okay, which he obviously wasn't.  
Lavi almost cringed at the sight. Then, he asked "Will you tell me what happened to him?" After all, Allen had never told him about how Mana had died.

Allen stayed quiet for a while, and Lavi thought that he probably didn't want to talk about it when the white-haired exorcist suddenly began to talk.  
He explained to Lavi how Mana had died and how he had met the Milennium Earl and called Mana back to life as an akuma. How Mana had cursed Allen and how Allen's anti-akuma weapon had activated itself and killed Mana.  
After the white-haired boy had finished, Lavi was speechless. He had reckoned Allen had had a hard childhood, but he hadn't thought that it was that bad. He couldn't help himself and suddenly hugged Allen.  
"L-Lavi? What are you doing?", a startled Allen asked.  
"I'm hugging you, stupid.", Lavi said, glad that it was too dark to see his blush.  
"A-and why are you doing that?"  
"You look like you need a hug. Am I wrong?"

"If you don't like it, I can always stop hugging you, you know."  
"Okay.."

They sat there in silence for a while, hugging. Lavi allowed himself to enjoy the feeling of Allen's warmth, pushing away the thoughts of how wrong it was to do so.  
"You know," Lavi said, "It's okay to cry once in a while. No one will blame you for it. The burden you carry is too heavy for you alone, and if you don't let it out once in a while you're going to break under the pressure. Don't you see that we want to carry your burden with you? Let us help you, Allen."

Allen didn't answer, but Lavi felt warm tears slowly drenching his shirt. Lavi smiled. He was glad that Allen trusted him enough to cry in his presence. He began to stroke Allen's back soothingly.

After a while, Allen detached himself from Lavi and looked at him. He smiled, and Lavi noticed that it was one of the real smiles Allen rarely showed.  
"Thank you, Lavi.", Allen said.  
The redhead leaned closer to Allen and gently wiped the remaining tears on the boy's face away.

"There, that's better. You should sleep now, moyashi-chan~!", Lavi whispered before kissing Allen on the forhead.  
He grinned at Allen's confused expression before standing up and walking over to his bed. He looked over his shoulder to Allen, who had obviously recovered from his earlier surprise.  
"It's Allen, baka usagi.", Allen grinned.  
"Sure sure, whatever you say, moyashi-chan.", Lavi said before gently drifting off to sleep.

On the bed next to Lavi's, a certain white-haired exorcist lay wide awake, staring at Lavi's sleeping form.

_'How the hell am I supposed to sleep now?_', Allen groaned, still blushing madly.

**_~Fin.~_**

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_A/N: Well, I hope you enjoyed it at least a little bit :/ I'd appreciate it if you would review and tell me if you liked it or where I have to improve. Thanks for reading! x3_


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